Questions about love are easily the most common from those wanting advice from the Lenormand cards, and have—along with questions around wealth and making one’s fortune— been one of the key sets of “life answers” that players of the Lenormand parlour game would have been looking for since the cards were created in the 19th century. If you look at the original instructions for the game, the Philippe Lenormand traditional meanings, you will see just how many were geared to finding love and making a good marriage, as well as issues like wealth, health, good reputation, standing, and friendships.
Traditional Philippe Lenormand Near And Far Meanings
However, because of the nature of love and of love questions, and as most professional readers will tell you, love readings tend to be the ones that the people we’re reading for (or ourselves if we just read for ourselves) get most emotional and sometimes may even get upset or angry about, especially if the cards suggest something they don’t want to hear.
The Nature Of Love Readings
Because love, and particularly wanting love when we haven’t got it, makes us feel vulnerable, it is also common for us to want to ‘control’ the answer to love questions as much as possible to get the exact answer, situation (or person) that we want. Usually, this is because the possibility of us not getting what we want just feels too emotionally painful.
When we are feeling vulnerable or out of control, it’s entirely natural for us to want something to cling onto, for there to be certainty. Unfortunately, however, sometimes that isn’t actually either the truth of the situation or the best thing for us
So what are the top issues I see around this issue, or mistakes I see those wanting the love reading making? And what is it better to do instead?
1. Being Emotional Or “Desperate” When Reading
The absolutely WORST time to do any kind of reading is when you’re feeling overemotional or desperate. It makes it incredibly likely that you’ll make some of, if not all of, the classic mistakes of inaccurate readings; seeing only what you want to see, reinterpreting some of the cards, missing out cards, completely inventing your answer, asking absurdly rigid questions, asking the cards the same question over and over, getting addicted to them so you ask them about absolutely everything, or just being in such a blind panic about everything, you’re not in a state to see what’s there anyway.
Lenormand Accuracy: Are You Making One Of These Big Mistakes?
Unfortunately, love is one of those situations where, as I said above, emotions are not only at the core of everything, but we are also potentially leaving ourselves vulnerable. When are we most likely to want to “lock things down” to calm ourselves? When we’re emotional and feeling vulnerable. What is one of the ways that people often use to try to lock things down? Using card readings or going to card readers, psychics and so on to give us a sense of control. So it’s a BIG problem with love readings.
What To Do Instead
- If you know you’re in a highly emotional situation where the stakes are or feel particularly high, it’s really is best to take a step back and don’t use cards until you feel calmer.
- You need to find ways of clearing any attachments you might have to a particular outcome. Think about it; if the answer wasn’t what you wanted, how upset would you be on a scale of 1-10? The higher this number is, the more you need to step back.
- If you ARE very emotionally over invested, one way of “clearing” the situation at least partly is to journal it, pour it all out on paper (or screen)—and quickly. Set a timer for 30 minutes and write, as fast as you can, everything about this situation, without editing ANYTHING or taking the pen off the page (or your fingers off the keyboard). You’re aiming for three pages of stream of consciousness writing (nobody is going to see, this isn’t ‘art’), or about 750 words in that time. If you get “stuck”, carry on writing til you reach either the end of three pages, or the 750 word mark. I use this technique regularly, and it’s brilliant for ‘unsticking’ stuck situations. You usually find about three quarters of the way through that your mind starts to try finding solutions or looking at things in a new way. Or at least “opening things out” a little in your mind, so you’re open to new possibilities or ways of looking at the issue.
- Only read when you can honestly say that you’d be able to ‘deal’ if the answer wasn’t what you were hoping for, even if you were to be disappointed. You never know, you might be pleasantly surprised, but the key is to come to a reading with an open and a calm and clear mind.
Do take a look at these tips from a previous post also.
How To Read What You See: Not Just What You Want To!
Are You Using Lenormand In The Healthiest Ways?
2. Only Wanting One Answer, And Finding It Difficult To Open Your Mind To Others
As above, this is a core problem, and is often the result of being in an emotional or vulnerable situation, very attached to a particular outcome, and trying to control it. The problem is, the cards might have something much more useful and interesting to tell you than you’ve even thought of!
For example, you might be crazy about someone and desperately want to get together with them, in an affair with a married person, or really wanting a relationship to work out even though you know in your heart of hearts that it’s not looking good.
And you might be wanting answers like, “Yes, she likes you too and THIS is when you’re going to get together.” Or “Of course he’s going to leave his wife and marry you.” Or “Yes, you’re destined to be together, his road to Damascus moment is just around the corner!”
All of these are fairly common romance scenarios, all of them are quite emotionally-driven—and all of them involve someone really wanting to hear just the answer that they want. The reassurance, usually, that it’s all going to work out.
But if this was you, could YOU open your mind to the possibility that “No, she’s not interested and will meet someone else”. Or “This relationship is going nowhere, he’s a player, ditch him” or “No, he won’t change, this is who he is. He’s not your destiny.”
Might other questions and approaches have served you better?
What To Do Instead
- Ask yourself what answer you’re secretly hoping to hear, and what you’d do if you got the opposite answer.
- Open yourself to more “oblique” answers that might nonetheless be more helpful, particularly when you’re searching for happiness. I mean, would you WANT to waste time on someone not interested in you, who was a player, or who treated you badly? So if that was to be the case, what might the cards tell you that would still get you what you wanted, albeit in a different situation? What questions could you ask the cards?
- It’s also worth trying to get to the root of what’s bothering you, and what it is you’re really looking for. Check out the post below where I discussed getting to the root of a card reading.
How To Get To The Root Of A Lenormand Reading
3. Trying To Control The Outcome eg By Asking Closed Or Leading Questions
The questions you ask, of course, can be part of how you try to control or steer the answers.
One common way we try to control the outcome is by asking quite rigid or leading “yes/no” questions—and then praying fervently for the yes answer we really wish for. For example, “Is he the man for me?” “Will I marry the woman I just met 5 minutes ago” “Is this person insanely in love with me?” “Will this person and I get together soon?” In all of these, it’s pretty obvious that you fervently want one answer and one answer only—and that answer is YES!
Now, Lenormand can give you an idea of a yes or a no in terms of general positive or negative influences, but our futures aren’t set in stone. The real value of the cards is the story it tells you related to the detail of the question, which is a much deeper thing than a yes or no. Usually, then, yes and no questions aren’t ideal, so if you really want to open it up, an open question, particularly a “How can I…” and what you want in love might be a better, more open approach.
Leading questions, meanwhile, that assume an answer, are another trap. “When this year will I meet the woman for me?” (maybe this year isn’t the year, maybe you won’t meet the woman for you) “How will I meet my soulmate?” (what do you mean by a soulmate? How do you know you have one, or only one?”) “How will my ex come back to me?” (how is it certain they will?). See what I mean?
What To Do Instead
- Try to use open questions, not yes/no questions. “What can you tell me about this person relationship-wise?” “What can you tell me about the relationship between me and this person?” “What potential is there for a relationship between me and them?”
- And try and open out the questions too and avoid them being too leading. “How can I met the woman for me?” “What would give me a good chance of meeting a soulmate?” “What do I need to know about the relationship between me and my ex?”
4. Wanting Exact Timings For “When Things Will Happen”
As above, this is a bit like yes/no questions, but an attempt to be even more controlling of outcomes. “When will I meet the One?” “When will he show interest in me?” “When will he leave his wife?” That kind of thing. “When in the next three months will I meet the woman of my dreams?”
Not only do these usually already the assume the outcomes and the answer you want (“Soon!”), they assume a fixed timeline of events that WILL happen and can’t be changed, and don’t allow for the possibility either of you being active in creating your future yourself or again, of really getting to the root of what your question is about.
What To Do Instead
- The best sorts of timing readings are the ones where you pick only one to three cards and treat it as an ‘events’ or ‘influences that have to be present’. Take a look here at my previous post about timing readings.
- Again, open up your questions a bit to really get underneath the issue. “What would I need to do in order to meet the One?” “What is going on with me and this person?” “What do I need to do to have a better shot at love?” “What, if anything, is likely to come up re my love life in the next three months?
5. Doing Reading After Reading (Or Going From Reader To Reader) In Order To Get The Answer You Want
Come on now, you know we’ve all done it. It’s just incredibly tempting, isn’t it? Or you let your emotions run away with you. Romance and love life issues are one of those areas, too, where card reading—and going to readers and psychics etc— can get a little bit addictive, even somewhat frenzied.
If you’re manically doing reading after reading, or find yourself going from reader to reader to reader (and getting REALLY cross if one reader says something you don’t like. “Well, all the other readers told me he was my soulmate so he must be.” “Really? Why are you asking yet another one about this then? Surely somewhere inside something is telling you that things aren’t quite the way you want them to be, no? Otherwise why would you keep going to different readers?”)
What To Do Instead
- If you feel yourself getting a bit frenzied and manic about it, acknowledge that feeling. It’s okay, you’re only human, but acknowledge what it is. You’re frenzied or being addictive because you’re in a highly over-emotional state right now and you want things to be the way you want them, so you desperately want to lock it down. In itself it’s a sign that you maybe need to take it down a notch. (And no, no potential lover is going to like someone desperate or frenzied).
- STEP AWAY FROM THE CARDS. As they won’t be helpful to you when you’re highly emotional anyway. You need to step back, take a deep breath, and start to deal with the situation in hand, and that’s likely to require a bit of insight and self reflection. Getting manic about card reading or desperately going from reader to reader is kind of an indication that something’s “up” with this, that there is an underlying issue to be untangled here. Are you always picking partners that hurt you? Is your self esteem okay? Are you under pressure from friends and family or culture in general to “settle down” or “find the one?”. I would be trying to start looking at these issues outside card reading, either by a calm process of self reflection or even, if the situation is severe, with the help of a therapist. Cards can help uncover underlying issues, but remember—you do need to be asking the right questions too!
For More On Love Readings
Do check out my other posts on love readings here:
Lenormand Love Readings I: Cards & Combinations To Look Out For
Lenormand Love Readings: Five Readings To Try
Looking For Love In A Grand Tableau? Step By Step Practice
(ETA Spring 2023)
Lozzy’s Lenormand Love & Relationship Readings
This new, extensively updated and expanded edition of the book will include additional info, layouts to try and a ton more exercises! To be available as downloadable PDF, ebook and paperback.
(Final cover TBC)